The Mental Health Benefits Of Saying 'no' To Christmas Parties: 'Don't Force Yourself'

Oleh Admin 12 Des, 2023 Posting Komentar

The social pressure of the holiday season is overwhelming. SO. real. But turning down an invitation to a party you don't want to go to can be the best thing for your mental health.

A new study finds that politely declining unwanted invitations during the holiday season has a more positive effect than going on countless dates you didn't want to attend.

The study, published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology, found that more than three-quarters (77%) of respondents accepted invitations to meetings they did not want to attend because they were afraid of being judged for refusing.

But scientists have found that not only do friends and family not care as much about declined invitations as people think, but saying "no" more often can also help prevent burnout.

"I was once invited to an event that I didn't want to attend, but I went because I was afraid the person who invited me would be upset if I didn't go - and this seems like a common practice." Givi, an associate professor at Juliana University in West Virginia, explains in a press release.

"But our study shows that the negative consequences of failure are less severe than expected."

To find out if the fear of rejecting invitations was justified, researchers conducted five experiments with a total of more than 2,000 participants.

In one experiment, participants were asked to read a scenario in which they invited or invited a friend to dinner with a celebrity chef at a local restaurant on a Saturday night.

The guests were asked to imagine that they had already made plans for the day and abandoned them because they wanted to spend a nice night at home. Those asked to consider an invitation were told the reason for their friend's rejection.

Research has shown that people who decide to turn down a friend's invitation often feel that doing so will have an immediate negative impact on their relationship. People who thought they would be rejected were more likely to say their friend would be angry and disappointed and not invite them to future events.

Based on the results, this may be because people who declined an invitation were also more likely than those who were declined to say they would focus on the rejection itself, rather than the discussion in their friend's head prior to the Rejection.

"In our experiments, we consistently found that invitees overestimated the negative consequences of declining an invitation," the doctor said. - says Givi.

"People tend to overestimate the degree to which the inviter is focused on rejecting the invitation rather than on the thoughts that were going through their mind before the rejection."

According to Dr. Givi's findings show that people can sometimes benefit from declining invitations, but it can also help avoid burnout, as it doesn't necessarily lead to the big results they expect.

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"Burning is a reality, especially during the holidays when we are often invited to many events," she says. "Don't be afraid to turn down invitations here and there. But remember that spending time with other people is about building relationships, so don't turn down every invitation.”

Why saying no is good for our mental health

According to psychologist Barbara Santini, our social structure puts tremendous pressure on people to be socially active.

"It is believed that participating in any event or party means luck or success. However, this view can be misleading and harmful,” he explains.

"Forcing ourselves to participate in activities that don't match our interests or emotional state can lead to feelings of burnout, anxiety and even depression. This is a classic case of overkill. In extreme cases, when our social batteries are running out. exhausted, leaves little room for self-care and introspection, and releases energy.

Santini says he has found a significant link between the ability to say no and improved mental health.

"By turning down invitations that don't suit us, we show compassion and respect for ourselves," she explains.

“This act of setting boundaries is essential to managing stress and preventing burnout. It is a form of self-awareness in which a person recognizes his limitations and respects his emotional and mental needs."

Another aspect to consider, according to Santini, is the relationship between the quantity and quality of social interaction.

"It's more beneficial to have fewer meaningful interactions where you feel truly connected and valued than to be forced to attend many meetings that can lead to healthy relationships," she explains.

"High-quality interactions are more likely to foster feelings of belonging and happiness, which are key elements of good mental health."

How to say no when you don't want to go

But knowing the benefits of quitting smoking and being able to say it are two different things. While many of us have discovered the voice of rejection, for others the need to please remains strong.

So if you find yourself saying yes over and over when you want to shout no, experts have put together some tips to help you up your no game:

Be honest about why you're saying no. Alison Gulnick, an integrative psychotherapist at www.therapyhere.co.uk, says: "There's no need to go into detail, but people still prefer honesty and lying can have an impact on long-term relationships."
Develop confidence in your "no". "Start by saying no to simple invitations, and as you become more confident in responding, move on to more complex invitations," suggests Gulnik.
Make a list of how you would like to use this time differently. "This will encourage you to decline these invitations," Gulnik said.
Identify the reason you said no. Is it because you need to take care of yourself? Are people a bad influence? Or because you're nervous about an event or party, but you'd actually benefit from attending? Gulnik says that explains why you declined the invitation.
Challenge your negative thoughts to say no. "Rejection doesn't make you a bad person," recalls Gulnik. "Challenge these thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts."
Suggest an alternative plan. "If you resent the event but still value the relationship, suggest another relationship you're more comfortable with," says Santini.
Understand that you can set priorities. Many people feel guilty when they say no. "Remember that prioritizing your mental health is not selfish, but necessary," says Santini.
Set and respect boundaries. It is important to respect your boundaries at all times. "As you practice, it gets easier and your commitment to mental wellness strengthens," says Santini.